I am 4 days into my renewed commitment to get healthy. When I started this I told myself I was only going to weigh in once a week.
Confession time- I have weighed myself 6 times in 4 days. I don’t know what it is I expect to see. My head knows that I didn’t gain all this weight overnight, even though it seems that way sometimes. I guess I am just looking for validation that what I am doing is working.
-Because it is really hard to do.
I have found that I hear voices in my head all day long. These are most often bad voices. They say things like:
“I won’t tell anyone you ate the cookie. If no one finds out you cheated, it doesn’t count. EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE PLEASE!!!!!”
"Taste it please."
"ohh ooooh Cookie!!"
“You suck! I hate you! Why are you doing this!”
"Gimme Gimme Gimme"
Sometimes the voice just whimpers softly in the back of my head….
I guess this means I’m crazy. I always knew I was a little nuts. But I think hearing voices actually puts you undeniably in the category of lunatic. One thing I know though is that giving in even just a little bit to these silent pleas in my mind is a really bad idea. It just encourages the voices to get louder and stronger. I realized last night that it's eerily similar to my son's request for a snack. "Bite!" he demands when he sees me eating something he wants to try. "COOKIE!" he says, using the same voice as Cookie Monster because he knows it's just too cute to resist. So I’ve decided to use the same strategy that I use on my son when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Check to make sure there isn’t something seriously wrong (no leaky diapers here!), then let him cry it out until he falls back to sleep.
I’m such a toddler deep down inside….
Maybe some day I'll grow up...