Friday, January 8, 2010

My Inner Voice is a 2 year old

I am 4 days into my renewed commitment to get healthy. When I started this I told myself I was only going to weigh in once a week.

Confession time- I have weighed myself 6 times in 4 days. I don’t know what it is I expect to see. My head knows that I didn’t gain all this weight overnight, even though it seems that way sometimes. I guess I am just looking for validation that what I am doing is working.

-Because it is really hard to do.

I have found that I hear voices in my head all day long. These are most often bad voices. They say things like:

“I won’t tell anyone you ate the cookie. If no one finds out you cheated, it doesn’t count. EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE PLEASE!!!!!”

"Taste it please."

"ohh ooooh Cookie!!"
“You suck! I hate you! Why are you doing this!”

"Gimme Gimme Gimme"

Sometimes the voice just whimpers softly in the back of my head….

I guess this means I’m crazy. I always knew I was a little nuts. But I think hearing voices actually puts you undeniably in the category of lunatic. One thing I know though is that giving in even just a little bit to these silent pleas in my mind is a really bad idea. It just encourages the voices to get louder and stronger. I realized last night that it's eerily similar to my son's request for a snack. "Bite!" he demands when he sees me eating something he wants to try. "COOKIE!" he says, using the same voice as Cookie Monster because he knows it's just too cute to resist. So I’ve decided to use the same strategy that I use on my son when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Check to make sure there isn’t something seriously wrong (no leaky diapers here!), then let him cry it out until he falls back to sleep.

I’m such a toddler deep down inside….
Maybe some day I'll grow up...


  1. I definitely hear the voices too, although they are getting quieter day by day. I hope they go away completely one day!

  2. I understand the voices. They come to me when I'm exercising. My boyfriend wondered once why people need music when exercising. Aren't they comfortable with their thoughts? I had to explain that my thoughts are screaming at me to stop exercising so any distraction is helpful!