Monday, March 22, 2010

Weigh in Week 11 - And a funny thing happened.

225.2 That’s -1 pound this week.

Total weight loss = 12.4

So I’m losing about a pound a week. Not bad. I just have to keep looking at the big picture and remember that slow weight loss equals permanent weight loss. I was hoping to be under 200 before I had to put on a bathing suit in public though, So I am going to try to step it up a bit to increase that to 2 pounds per week. I think I can safely do that just by trying a little harder not to cheat, especially now that the weather is warming up and my little man wants to go outside every day.

Speaking of which, I want to thank you all for commenting on my last post about my son’s eating habits. I do think most of it is just normal toddler behavior and picky eating habits. I’ve been meaning to pick up a copy of deceptively delicious too so thanks for the suggestion, it reminded me that I need to go to Borders today.

Diet-wise- I don’t have much to report. I’m still chugging along on the low carb train. I’ve slipped occasionally but nothing too bad. My biggest challenge is that a lot of our family and friends just don’t serve diet friendly foods. The other big thing is that there seems to always be a holiday going on! I can’t escape the big family meals. For example last weekend we went to my sister in laws house supposedly for Corned Beef and Cabbage. Well that was all fine and good except that dinner wasn’t served until late and appetizers consisted of chips and hot pastry puff things. Then to go along with the Corned beef and cabbage there were potatoes, carrots, applesauce and corn bread. So I ate what I was allowed to eat, the meat and cabbage. Of course some other guests asked if I wanted anything and then I became the center of attention while I had to explain that I was following a low carb diet. Blah blah blah… It occurred to me that I feel very self conscious when others comment on my weight loss. It’s almost like they are saying they noticed that I had become somewhat of a porker lately and they think it’s great that I want to be less of a porker now. But that’s my issue and I have to get over it.

I had a slightly embarrassing event this weekend too. I took my son to the beach to enjoy the warm weather. Well he started getting tired and threw a temper tantrum as only 2 year olds can do. Ok - maybe not only two year olds, I’ve been known to pitch a fit when it’s that TOM and my sugar free ice cream has been eaten by my oblivious DH…but that’s another story. Anyway, he was screaming at the top of his lungs “bye BYE” in the restaurant we stopped in to eat some lunch so I scooped him up to take him back out to the boardwalk to calm down. He started squirming in my arms to be put down so much that he pushed up my shirt a little and then….MY JEANS STARTED TO FALL DOWN. I managed to set my son down before I was looking like a fool with my pants on the ground, -but just barely. And I’m sure that I flashed a whole lot of my big white winter belly at everyone as it was happening.

Or maybe it was a pink belly as I’m sure I was blushing down to my toes….I guess it’s time to get a smaller pair of jeans….;-)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Veggies? Yuck mom!

Sometimes being a mom can be so hard. Before I had my son I had all these ideas abouthow I was going to be the perfect mother.
  • I was never going to let my son have junk food.
  • I would breast feed until he was a year old.
  • He wouldn't be allowed to watch TV, especially at meal time.
  • I wouldn't be one of those mothers who let him eat nothing but chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese.
I was so sure that I knew it all and it would all work out that way. Then after I had my little angel I had my best laid plans go awry. It turned out that my son was born with a neurological disorder that caused him to have very low muscle tone at birth, He would have episodes where he would be unresposive for 12+ hours with repetitive vomiting. It was too hard for him to suckle, so breast feeding was out. He lost a full pound of weight the first week he was born, and went from the 98th percentile to the 5th in one month. But with persistance and special bottle nipples I was able to get him to start gaining a little at a time. I became obsessed with how many calories he was taking in. I had to set an alarm to wake me at 3 am so I could make sure that he had a feeding. When it came time to introduce solid food, we had similar trouble. After much patience and persistance we were able to get him to take to purees, but getting him to eat actual solid table food was very challenging. It turns out that part of his disorder included oral defensiveness. He won't tolerate certain textures and has a hard time chewing and swallowing.

Through trial and error we found a few things that he really likes. Strong flavors like spicy food kind of "wake up" his mouth making it easier. My go to foods that I can always count on him eating are pizza, hot dogs, breakfast burritos, chicken, taquitos, noodles with tomato sauce, yogurt and applesauce.  Occasionally I can get him to eat fried eggplant, battered green beans, fish sticks or french fries; but they're hit or miss items. We give him a multi vitamin in the morning and a bottle of pediasure at night.

I know, I know!  I have to take away that last bottle soon, after all he's turning 2 next month. But I'm a worry-wart over the whole thing.

He won't eat plain veggies at all. I can usually get him to try a green bean or broccoli or peas, but as soon as the first one hits his mouth he's spitting it out and making faces. So I sneak veggies into his food. I buy yogurts with pureed veggies like squash and sweet potato mixed in. I buy carrot apple juice. I put spinach on his pizza and buy special "garden" noodles that promise a full serving of veggies (not sure if I believe the last one).

So what does this have to do with weight loss? Well I'm afraid that I'm setting him up for a lifetime of bad eating habits.

For the last two years I have been consumed by his weight and worry over getting him to have adequate intake. I confess that in my panic over his calories I didn't care if they were empty or not. I often give him a pudding cup or cookies to make up if he eats a meal poorly. I mix pediasure into every cup of milk he gets during the day, so now he won't drink milk unless it is sweetened and tastes like vanilla.

His weight is ok now, we've managed to get him back into the 25th percentile and physical and occupational therapy seem to have helped him overcome some of his troubles. I want to get him to eat a healthier menu including fresh veggies.

Most of all I want to stop obsessing over every bite of food he has. I literally still calculate in my head how many calories he takes in at each meal. For example if I know 1/4 cup of his pasta has 50 calories and there were approximately 7 noodles in 1/4 cup there are approximately 7 calories per noodle. So if he only eats 3 noodles he got 21 calories. I do this all day long. I call my husband 4 times a day during the week to ask him how much he ate while I'm at work.

He's becoming more aware of everything now. And I don't want to give him an unhealthy attitude about food, especially so early in life. I'm trying really hard not to push him to keep eating. But I have to tell you all that when he eats nothing and says he's done, it sends a shiver of panic through me and I can't help myself from offering him a yogurt or apple sauce or ANYTHING to get him to eat.

I'm so afraid that my neurotic attitude is going to keep him from recognizing his own hunger signals and some day he is going to end up with his own blog and blaming me for all his weight troubles.
So I'm trying, but it's a struggle. I'm such a control freak, it's really hard for me to hand over that control to a 2 year old.

What do you think? How much of your current weight troubles are the result of habits learned in childhood?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

This is what my mornings have been like lately.

My office has been ordering in breakfast for everyone the last couple of days. Yesterday was doughnuts. Today was danishes and muffins. Tomorrow they are planning for bagels.
Talk about a low-carb dieters nightmare.
Please pray for me, I'm not sure I'll make it.....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Week 10- Weigh in

Today’s weigh in: 226.2

That’s a loss of 1.4 pounds!

My clothes are looser, and I feel lighter.

I haven’t been doing very well with the adding carbs back in slowly though. I will admit to you all right now that as soon as I gave myself that permission I began indulging in all manner of things that I shouldn’t have had.

White rice, Bread, Girl Scout cookies, Ice cream, Mini tacos, Special K chocolaty cereal, Pancakes…Oh my!

I went on a fruit bender too and ate a banana and and apple within minutes of each other. Then I devoured 10 prunes as I was feeding one to my constipated son. Not a pretty picture!

I know it hasn’t been as bad as it could be, but it could easily get out of control again. I sat here and contemplated getting a pop tart out of the vending machine for 20 minutes this morning.

So I’m back on the low carb train. I just have to accept the fact that, for me, eating an apple is like an alcoholic having a chardonnay. Before you know it I’ll be drunk on Cinnabons and Frosties.

It’s not like I’m not eating healthy. I really am. A lot of people in my life have a misconception when I say I’m eating low carb that I’m just eating red meat 24/7. Yesterday I had an egg white omelet with spinach and feta and turkey sausage for breakfast. I had a huge salad with grilled chicken for lunch. I got home from work late and wasn’t really hungry so I had a couple of hotdogs without the bun for dinner.

Maybe once I get some more of this weight off I’ll have better control over my blood sugar. But right now it’s far more important to my health to avoid blood sugar spikes at all costs. I do not want to end up with Type 2 Diabetes and that is was where I am was headed.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Zen and the Art of Slowing Down

I want it now.

It is the cry of a whole generation that never has to wait for anything. Everything we want we can have almost instantaneously. We can download movies and TV to watch immediately on our phone. We can skip commercials on TV with our DVRS. We are living in a fast food nation where little to no thought is being given to the quality of what we ingest, just how quickly we can get it. We are living a 24/7 lifestyle, multitasking our way through our lives and not truly experiencing a moment of it. We have everything at our fingertips, and when we can’t get what we want right now, we start feeling anxious and wonder why not.

I was surfing through some blogs the other day and noticed one that sounded particularly discouraged. She acknowledged that she was losing about 1-2 pounds a week, but wanted advice on how to lose bigger numbers. Another wrote about not having the time to actually sit down for her meals. And I realized that as I was replying to her post that I was eating a salad at my desk at work while answering inbound calls, trying to catch up on some data entry and reading blogs at the same time- And that was supposed to have been my lunch hour!

It really makes me sad to realize that so many of us are so rushed that we are not able to truly savor this life that God gave us. And I know I’m guilty of it too. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom now and trying to teach my son to be patient in a world that seems devoted to instant gratification. Whatever it is, I’m dropping out of that mind-set right now.

This need for speed is killing us. We have got to slow down people! We had a speaker come into our office a few months back who told us about how multitasking was bad for our health. Trying to do two things at once causes our cortisol levels to rise. Stress can be responsible for everything from burn-out to heart disease. Conventional wisdom used to tell us that anything worth having was worth waiting for and anything worth doing is worth doing right. So why are we rushing through our lives, doing too many things at once and doing none of them well? We have so much pressure put on us every day from our jobs, our husbands, our kids, our friends... but most of all from ourselves.

In my last post I talked about how I wanted to stop the compulsive behavior surrounding my eating and the differences between the naturally thin and the food obsessed. I think if I ever hope to get to that happy place in my life where I’m not completely freaked out by a large spread of yummy goodness that I need to make some changes to how I approach life in general. Writing that post really caused me to think. I realized that I put myself under incredible pressure everyday to be the best at my job, the best wife, the best mother, the best daughter – that it really wasn’t that surprising that the one person I let down and didn’t take care of was me. That simply can’t continue or I’ll be no good to anyone anymore.

I am going to try to make a conscience effort to bring more Zen into my life. I am making the choice to slow down and be present in the moment and enjoy my surroundings. I am giving up multitasking. I am going to eat more slowly and really enjoy my meals. I’m going to try to meditate at least once a day.

Now- take a deep breath.

Take another one.

Feel the air going in and out of your body.

Ahhhhhh. Doesn’t that feel good?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Confession of a Compulsive Eater.

Did you ever wonder how some people are just naturally thin? You know the ones I’m talking about. They eat like teenage boys after running a marathon and yet look like they could be blown to Oz by a strong breeze. These are the ones who only gained 15 pounds during their pregnancies and after having the baby shimmied back into their size 3 jeans to head home. What makes these skinny minnies so…skinny?

I have a theory that there is no such thing as a truly “naturally” thin person. Sure some of us are genetically predisposed to gain weight more or less easily than others… But the real difference seems to be in how these thin folks relate to food.

I did some looking on line to see what a typical thin person ate in a day. The answers were as varied as the people responding. But all of them had one thing in common, their relationship with food. They ate as much as they wanted to, until they were satisfied, and then they didn’t eat any more. They didn’t stress about food. They didn’t obsess over it the way that I do. If they wanted to eat pizza for lunch, they had it. And if they got home and weren’t hungry… they didn’t eat! They didn’t feel the need to clean their plate. On holidays they tended to indulge, BUT only for that one day. Treats were…treats. They only ate them occasionally, not every day, let alone at every meal.

Sometimes I feel that I eat like a convicted felon. I eat every meal like it’s my last. I savor every bite of my meal like I may never eat again- even if I’m full. I never went without food, so I’m not sure where this is coming from. Maybe because I was urged to finish my meal before I could leave the table as a kid? That seems like an extreme reaction to typical parenting. I am aware that the way I eat sometimes isn’t healthy or normal because if I was honest with myself I would acknowledge that I hid a lot of what I ate from others. I would pig out on McDonalds at lunch and eat in my car so no one would see me. I would sneak extra bites in the kitchen before I set out dinner on the table. I was treating food like an alcoholic treats a bottle of vodka.

Why? I just don’t get it. I have a great life and a great family and an amazing husband and child. I don’t believe in “food addiction” in the sense that the daytime talk circuit has put out there. I think that there is a difference between true addiction and compulsive behavior. But I can see how some people could make the analogy. The worst thing about being an emotional eater is that the more depressed I became because I was fat, the fatter I got. Evil Vicious Cycle.

Anyway, I’m hoping that there will be a day that I can feel comfortable if I go to a party that features a buffet. But even if I am always conscious of the food around me, I know that I still have the power to listen to my inner Nancy Reagan and “Just Say No!” when temptation strikes.

So let me ask, how do you relate to to the food on your plate?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

No change this week...

Oh well... I think it's because I'm all bloaty due to mother nature paying me a visit. :-(
I'm not going to complain too much though because until this morning I was starting to get very concerned that I might be preggos and that would most definately not have been part of my plan for this year!

Today I want to talk about taking breaks.

I've seen some people who have made part of their plan taking one day a week or month that they allow themselves to eat anything that they have been craving while on their plan. So far I have resisted doing this. Not because I think it's a bad idea, I think it can be very instrumental in stopping you from cheating as well as teaching you how to eat forbidden foods in moderation. Moderation is the key though. If you plan on giving yourself permission on Sundays to eat some things you aren't supposed to eat during the week, that's okay. But you can't take that permision to be an excuse to go on an all out eating binge where you gorge yourself until you can't breathe on any number of high calorie, low nutrient foods.

Up until now I have been following a low-carb approach to dieting. I think it's time for me to try mixing it up. I still want to avoid sugar and refined carbs. And I want to keep my blood sugar as stable as possible. But I think I want to start to add in more "good" carbs now specifically fruits and whole grains. I have to closely monitor it though because I don't want to over-do it and go off on some crazy eating binge. So I am going to implement a variation on the "Free day" philosophy. I am going to start allowing some meals that I would not have had up to this point. I'm going to start with the weekends because that seems to be when I have the most time to carefully plan a meal. It's not going to be a free for all though. Even though I'm going to be eating more carbs, I want them to be nutrient dense low glycemic complex carbohydrates. That means brown rice, whole wheat pasta, and fresh fruit and veggies. It does not mean I can have a bowl of fruit loops because the box claims they have whole grains. My reason for this is two fold. First I'm doing it because no matter my intentions, I don't think I can do very low carb forever because, well let's face it, I don't live in a low carb world. More importantly, I want to model good eating habits for my 23 month old son. Part of my parenting philosophy has been that I don't want to make separate meals for my child. I prefer him to eat what we are eating. That means preparing balanced meals for the whole family to enjoy together. If I'm not eating half of the meal, it's not providing a good model for him to at least try a little of everything.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Get back on that horse dammit!

This seems to be the time of year that some of us give up on our resolutions from the New Year. In January we are excited and determined to make changes for the better. Yet it seems like once the newness and luster of our new lifestyles have worn off it becomes harder to keep ourselves motivated. I have seen too many of the women who inspired me to get started making these changes falling off their wagons in recent weeks. It starts with a small cheat, and then an excuse inevitably follows. The Devil works his evil magic and she figures since she already screwed up her plan she might as well get some cravings out of her system before she re-starts. She orders the Shamrock shake and cheeseburger. She enjoys it like Yogi Bear enjoys a good picnic basket.

Then the excuses come faster and easier. I haven't been grocery shopping, I’ll re-start after my cousin’s wedding 2 weeks from now, I've been sick with the flu and still don’t feel completely recovered. Before she knows it a whole month will have passed of unhealthy binge eating. She actually eats worse than she did before she started to try losing weight because each time she encounters a temptation, she gives in this time. She figures she’ll l start her diet tomorrow so it’s okay. I know how it goes because I’ve done it myself so many times. Now through the blogosphere I have born witness to this sad sequence of events happening in so many other ladies' lives. What once was a private struggle with our own inner demons is now laid bare for all to see.

I admit I was getting tired of working so hard. I was feeling resentful of skinny people who seem to be able to eat the things I love without any repercussions. I tasted my husband’s Shamrock shake and I confess it was VERY difficult not to down the whole thing in momentary fit of hedonistic ecstasy. The thoughts raced through my mind “I deserve a break; I’ve been doing so well. One cheat won’t destroy my diet. If I plan it right I can make up for this later.” Then something amazing happened. I reflected on what I have done so far and how much further I have yet to go and decided that IT JUST WASN’T WORTH IT.

So stay strong and fight the inner demons that will sabotage your efforts. You are not helpless in this. You can do it. It’s not too hard. Live in the moment. This moment, right now, is all that you can control. You can control what you eat right now. You can control if you get your body moving right now. You can get back on track RIGHT NOW. As Nike once said- Just do it. Don’t allow yourself to make excuses. Give yourself the tough love you need. You are so totally worth it.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My very first Blog Award!

Bestowed upon me by Sunny at the Sunny side of life.

It’s given to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blog world!

Thank you! I feel so humbled. *blushing*

The rules for this award are as follows:

•Put the logo on your blog or within your post.

•Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.

•Link the nominees within your post.

•Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

•Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.
Here are my 12 nominees for this award. All of these lovelies have really inspired me in so many ways...
1. Tiffany at project 365.
2. Jules at Big Girl Bombshell
3. Jenn at Ex Hot Girl
4. Mrs Fatass at Did I Just Eat That Out Loud?
8. Keelie at We Are Losing It
10. Nicole at Let Them Eat Lettuce
11. Alexandra at Done Girl
12. The Big G for his rockin' beats.
Thanks to each of you for being such an inspiration to me. Keep it up, together we can all acheive so much more than we can alone!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Weigh in Week 8

Today's weigh in.....227.6
You know what that means? I met mini goal #2 - ten pounds lost.
I have earned myself a trip to the Almay make-up counter where I plan to buy a new tube of my favorite red lipstick. And I get a nifty new badge for my blog.

Today I went to lunch at Chilis with my husband and son. I had the fajitas without the tortilla. YUM! Then we went to Babies R Us to pick up son's first potty. I just had him sit on it for a few minutes but he didn't do anything. I have to confess, I am completely intimidated by potty training. My MIL thinks I've totally dropped the ball on this because her sons we all out of diapers by the time they were 1. Mine is turning 2 in April and doesn't even tell us when he needs his diaper changed yet. I didn't want to push him until he was ready, and I still don't, but now I'm concerned that he may just have such a laid back attitude about life that he might be content to be in diapers until he's in Kindergarten. So I'm going to give him a nudge. We've already been letting him watch us go, so now I'm making a big deal about him having his own "potty." I think once the diapers I have are gone, I'm going to transition him to the Pull ups that have the "feel cool" liner so that he starts to feel when he goes. Then I'm planning to move him into training pants. I am scared of the whole process, I don't really have any idea of how to do this. If any of my mommy readers have any tips, I'm all ears! :-)