Tuesday, January 1, 2013

If anyone cares, I'm starting over with a new page. 360 to 180. I plan on being at my goal weight of 180 pounds within 360 days. I also figure I need to completely turn my life around and do a 180 so to speak.

So if you'd like to follow me over there, here's the link.


Monday, May 23, 2011

Please come visit!

I felt like I needed to start over and re-create my blog. I don't want to focus solely on losing weight anymore. I have a lot of things going on and this just isn't my focus right now, which is partially why I stopped writing here.
Anyone who cares to follow me to my new home can click here.

I'm still going to be dieting and all that jazz and wilstill be talking about that when I feel the need, but the topics are going to be more broad based about what's going on in my life.

Hope it doesn't bore you!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Analysis of a derailed diet.

Well I am still incredibly busy these days.
But at least the scale is finally starting to cooperate (somewhat) after going off the strictly low-carb plan.
I know that lots of low-carb critics always warn you when going off of a low-carb diet that you are going to blow-up like a balloon, and I know that dedicated low-carbers often dismiss this phenomenon as being the result of people not gradually stepping up their carbs ad going on pasta and cupcake binges when they go off the diet.
My honest opinion? They’re both right.
Don’t get me wrong. I still think that the low-carb diet plan is the fastest and easiest way to lose weight. In fact I am still going to take a lot of the principles and apply them to what I am doing at the present moment. I am going to continue to avoid added sugars. No HFCS. No table sugar. No white flour, no white rice….
I am going to eat brown rice and whole wheat pasta. I am going to eat natural sugars occasionally in the form of whole fruit. I am going to be mindful of the calories I consume and try to keep myself at about 1200 calories a day. I am going to continue to make sure that I get enough protein and fat to keep me satisfied between meals and keep hunger at bay.
Right now I believe with my whole heart that this strategy is the only way I will be able to keep losing weight. I was doing great on the low-carb plan, when I was able to actually follow it the right way. And that is really the whole key. Low-carbing is easy, but you HAVE to follow- it exactly. There is NO cheating allowed. There is no margin for error. If you go over your allotted carbs even a little bit you have an intense craving for more and it takes unreasonable amount of will power to get back on track. If you can stick with it for about 4 or 5 days, that all goes away. But- every time you fall off the wagon, so to speak, it become harder and harder to get there.
And to be honest, that’s exactly where I found myself these past months. Following low-carb religiously I was able to lose 40 pounds in 6 months. I was psyched. It was awesome! People noticed that I was trimmed, healthier and happier.
So what went wrong? Those same people who asked over and over again how I was losing the weight never got “on-board” with the whole low carb lifestyle. They pretty much refused to support me. In some cases I got the distinct impression they were trying to sabotage me. I don’t know if it was intentional or subconscious or completely imagined. I do know that any time I had to eat anywhere other than my own home I was faced with food that I shouldn’t eat.
When my grandfather got sick last summer, I started spending more time at my mom’s to be with him. And I cheated.
When my grandparents passed away in the fall, my family gathered to comfort one another- I cheated.
When my mother in law came to town to visit for a few months she showed her love by cooking Sunday dinners, - I cheated.
When the holidays season rolled around and rich food was everywhere – I cheated.
When my husband went back to work and our schedules changed I found myself rushing to get my son home before 7:00pm with no time to even re-heat a meal. And I cheated.
All these moments of cheating caused my blood sugar to soar and plummet repeatedly. The cravings came flooding back and the steady progress I had so painstakingly worked for evaporated. All I was able to do was maintain my weight in the 220-225 range. The longer it stagnated, the harder it became to loose. Finally in these last months I pretty much gave up completely. I still paid lip service to trying to be healthier and get it under control, but the reality of the situation was that I often found myself eating pop-tarts or chocolate cake or donuts or pancakes or pasta…and the voice in my head whispered it was okay, that I could restart my diet tomorrow.
But tomorrow never came.
I stopped blogging as often, partly because my work policies changed and it became harder for me to post during the day. But also in part because I wanted to be honest here, and I couldn’t be honest with you when I wasn’t even really being honest with myself.
The last three weeks have been a real eye opener as I have participated in this work challenge. I realized how very little I move during the day. I realized that I really don’t eat enough veggies. When I logged everything for a few weeks it kind of put things into perspective a bit for me.
So why not go back onto the low-carb plan that I had so much success with?
That’s a hard question to answer. The best answer I can give you is that I just don’t want to. My blood sugar is fine, so I don’t feel I need to keep myself at 20 or 30 or 40 carbs per day anymore. I am still feeling intense stress both at work and at home and I don’t really have the will to overcome the hurdles of going through a two week induction again. I know as soon as I start to feel the “Atkins flu” I’ll give up and it will be more of the same nonsense that I’ve been lying to myself about.
Also - if I don’t have the support of the people around me, then I need a weight loss plan with greater flexibility in my food choices. That only really comes with counting calories.
So rather than restricting the quantity of my carbs, I’m going to simply limit myself to high quality carbs. My goal is to make sure that every bite I eat is as nutritious as possible. I will try to be mindful of the glycemic effect of the foods I eat. But the only real “rule” I am going to follow is to aim to eat 1200 or fewer calories.
I’ve been doing well so far. *fingers crossed*

Thursday, March 10, 2011

If at first you don't succeed...

Hi there,
I thought I should check in with y’all.

As you all know, I’ve been struggling. I had to take a step back and dedicate some of the energy I was putting into myself and my diet and turn that focus onto my family, particularly onto my child. I’m happy to say that the boy is doing better. He’s eating again, though still not as much as I would like, at least he is actually chewing and swallowing food at every meal now.

I think part of what triggered the most recent hunger strike was potty training. Seems the boy is somewhat of a genius and put together that if he drinks a lot he has to pee a lot. Then he started holding his poop because it got hard to pass and he became constipated. This caused him to have a belly ache and he lost his appetite. Cue food refusal and weight loss.

Once I got things, er…moving again…. *ahem* he started to drink more and then began to eat a little again. He was back to weighing 28 pounds as of this morning up from the low point of 25 (though still a little down from his high of 29 lbs in November). So crises averted for now.
I wanted to thank all of you for the great support and words of encouragement you gave me through all of this. It really meant a lot that you were there thinking of me and I appreciate it tremendously.
Now for the damage control.

Stress eating combined with the high-calories meals I was making for the boy have caused me to bounce up to 228.


So I am going to try to do better. I’m giving up red meat for lent. And as I mentioned before my two bestest girl friends at work and I are doing the “New Weigh to Move, Eat and Live” challenge. We’re team Mission Slimpossible. And I bought a cute new pair of kicks for walking on my lunch break. Sculpt and Tone sneakers from Fila.

I am going to try to update y’all more often, but they changed my internet access at work recently, so I’m not sure how that will go…I guess they want me to actually work instead of blog- go figure!

I will definitely try to get an update up at least once a week though, I like it too much ‘round here…


Monday, February 28, 2011

Still plugging along....for now...

I'm still here and trying to do my best. I'm not really following any plan per se, but I'm trying to at least watch my portions.
The frustrating thing is that I've gained weight in just the last week. How is it that you can gain in a week what it takes you a month to loose? It doesn't make sense.

My office weight loss challenge began today. We're teams of 3 so I think that will help me keep from jumping completely off the deep end and drowning my sorrows in a box of Dunkin' Donuts.

Now I'm going to try to get some exercise in before the day is over. I hear it can be a great stress buster....

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I give up

Nothing I am doing is working. I can't seem to get things moving any longer. I try so hard and then I fail and then I feel like failure. And I just can't emotionally take it any longer. Now that my husband is working and we're juggling the boy back and forth it feels like I have no time to cook any more. We can't afford for me to make 3 different dinners every night anymore. My son is losing weight again and I have to encourage him to eat. It doesn't matter what he's eating so long as he actually swallows at this point. Tonight all he had for dinner was apple slices. about 10 calories worth of apple slices.
I should have made Hamburger Helper for him. I know he would have eaten some of it. I didn't make it for him because my husband wasn't home and it seemed like a lot of food for a 2 year old and I didn't want to eat it. So I made him a couple of chicken nuggets and had the apple on the side along with some banana.
He ate the apple.
I know, there are parents who are reading passing judgment on me as they read this.
They are saying to themselves "why is she feeding her child junk?" "that's not a healthy meal for a preschooler" "kids don't need to eat that processed garbage anymore than we do"
Yeah, and before I became the mother to my son I would have agreed with you too.
But you've never had to deal with a child on the verge of failure to thrive. My son will go for days without eating. If it wasn't for the Pediasure he gets everyday I don't know what I would do. He will only eat high fat easy to chew meat. Chicken nuggets, hamburgers and hot dogs are staples. He will chew and stash chicken breast in his cheeks until he's in danger of choking. He will chew beef and spit out the meat once all the flavor and juices have been sucked from it. Pasta is hit or miss, depending on his mood. Vegetables are a no go, even though I put them on his plate every single time.
The only fruits he'll eat are apples and bananas and raisins. I try to include one of these with every meal. I give him the veggie juice and try to make healthier choices, whole wheat pastas for example. (by the way the Hamburger Helper in my cupboard is the whole wheat version, still not the best but better...)
But it's not easy. It's never been easy. And the bones are showing in his back and he's going on 3 and still wearing size 24 month old pants. And some of them are big still.
I don't have the energy to simultaneously make sure that he is getting enough while making sure I am not getting too much.
Plus - he eats better if he sees me eating the same food he is.
I might be catastrophizing this. I know he's had a cold for the last week, he's done this before, and he'll likely start eating again any day now.
I don't want to use this as an excuse to eat whatever I want...
But I just can't put the same focus on my diet right now that I did last year at this time.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A new challenge...

Latest Weigh in: 221.0

So I didn't quite reach my goal, but I did lose. I"m not going to quit. I will persevere. In fact I decided to join a weight loss challenge that my work is running. I have two of my bestest work girlfriends joining me for our team. I need to come up with a name for our team though... any ideas?

The boy is sick so I don't have much time. I hope you are all well and I just wanted to pop on and say that I'm still here and still reading your posts and soon I'll have time to write a real post.

At least I hope I will have the time soon.

Love yourself!