Cry Baby.

My weight this morning was 217.6


I don’t know exactly what I weighed when I got pregnant with my son, but I would say that’s within a pound or so.

Not that I don’t still have more to lose until I get to a healthy weight, but at least I can say I’ve lost my baby weight.

I’m in a pretty good mood these days. I think I’m more resigned to this being my new lifestyle. That sounds bad doesn’t it? Being resigned to live this way? As if this is a distasteful unappealing lifestyle that I have to adopt against my will.

The truth is that eating lower amounts of carbs really does make me feel better. And the recipes are all so dang tasty! I mean last night I had a think steak with a side salad for dinner and blueberries in cream for dessert. How many peeps following the traditional low fat “healthy” diet can enjoy that kind of meal. Truth be told I don’t even like baked potatoes, so I really don’t miss them.

What do I miss? Sweets.

To my great surprise I must have managed to develop quite a sweet tooth over the years. I say I’m surprised because I never really considered that I was a dessert kind of girl. Growing up I was the kid who still had Easter candy in the freezer at Halloween. We rarely had desert in our house and when we did it was usually some fresh strawberries or watermelon or some vanilla ice cream. Cakes and cookies were for birthdays or holidays. I never really missed not having them either.

So when did I develop an obsessive love for fudgy brownies? I don’t know, but I confess I love me some ooey gooey hot from the oven chocolatey goodness. And I know there are low-carb versions I could make, but in this one area I just can’t do it. It’s not that the low carb versions aren’t good…. but they aren’t make my knees buckle and melt into an orgasmic puddle on the floor good. I find I’m always a little disappointed in the low-carb baked goods. It makes me feel slightly depressed and I end up tearing up the kitchen trying to find that one thing that will satisfy the craving for sweet baked goods. I tell myself that sugar is poison and that I shouldn’t eat any of it, but I’m like a dog who found a bowl of antifreeze any time fresh baked goods are around.

So I’m trying to keep the desserts out of the house. Luckily my husband is a big fan of pre-wrapped Little Debbie type snacks, which I detest and always have. The thing is, my birthday is coming up next week and I kind of want a birthday cake. But if I have a real birthday cake I know it will trigger cravings for more sweets. And this is making me angry.

Yes it took me all this rambling along to get to the point. I want a Birthday cake on my birthday and I’m afraid that a sugar free one just won’t be any good and I’m depressed and sad that I have to live a life without birthday cake.

I feel like a little kid who dropped his ice cream cone in the dirt. I’m such a baby.