That’s a 1.2 pound loss this week and 9 pounds since I’ve started this journey. To help me visualize exactly what I’ve accomplished so far – this is what 9 pounds of fat looks like-
It reminds me of when I tried to quit smoking in the past. I must have tried to quit dozens of times. New Year’s Resolutions, Lent, Great American Smoke Out and sometimes just because. It never stuck before because I liked smoking. Sure I knew that it was bad for me in an abstract kind of way. But the bad health that came with it was always way down the road and right then I felt good and I really enjoyed sitting out on the porch with a cigarette and a glass of wine chatting with my girlfriends. My head knew what I had to do, but my heart was never really in it. It wasn’t until I met my husband who hates smoke that I quit for good. Even then I had the occasional lapse until I found out I was pregnant the first time. When I finally was successful, I wasn’t quitting for me any longer, I was quitting for my child.
I’m trying to apply what I learned then to what I am doing now. Believe it or not, it’s been almost 4 years since I smoked my last cigarette and I still have a desire to smoke. Even now writing this and thinking about it, I’m battling that inner demon that is telling me to go get a pack to keep in my desk at work. That evil voice that is trying to convince me that it will help me lose weight and manage the stress I am under. It’s the same voice that tells me the double fudge brownies in the break room are an acceptable breakfast. It tells me that I’ll never have the body I had in my youth again so I might as well enjoy the food. That voice is the devil. I will not listen to that voice. The bad foods that I have been eating all these years are poison just as much as those cigarettes that I was puffing on. I know that the cravings will never go away completely, but that there will come a day when I am not consumed by them any longer. This time I’m not doing it for me, I’m doing it for my son. This time I will be successful.