I was totally stress eating yesterday.
And I didn't care at all.
I was home alone with my son while my husband went to work and SAK was being a typical 2 year old. Clingy and wanting to jump all over and I couldn't get him to settle for most of the afternoon. I should have taken him outside. But I didn't. I was tired, I just wanted to sit and be still and read a book while he played quietly with his toys.
Yeah that didn't happen.
And then I got mad because he started to hit me (in an attempt to get my attention) and I asked him to stop and he laughed at my firm voice and kicked me in the face so I tried to "supernanny" him and he laughed and thought that time out was a game when I tried to put him in the naughty corner and I was getting more and more frustrated and........
I spanked him.
Two smacks on the diaper. It wasn't hard and I know I didn't hurt him and this was far from abuse, but it's not how I want to parent my child. It was a reflexive action held over from my own upbringing. He cried, I felt awful immediately afterwards and hugged him and said I was sorry.....and he stopped crying right away and forgot all about it in a few minutes....
I ate two cookies and a hunk of banana bread. And a glass of vanilla milk. And I cried.
I still have a bad case of the guilties and feel like the world's worst mother today. (though I do know that there are obviously worse mothers out there, it doesn't really make me feel better)