But I don't wanna eat the cheesecake!

OK, so I have a dilemma.


I have trouble disappointing people. I’m a people pleaser by nature (or is it nurture?). This leads to many problems and issues in my day to day and can sometimes drive my husband absolutely nuts.

But the one issue I’m going to discuss here is how it affects what I eat.

In the civilized world food and drink has taken on a cultural significance above and beyond that of fuel for the body. It is the primary vehicle for family to re-connect after a long day apart. It is the centerpiece of a celebration feast. It is the way we show love and acceptance of one another. It is the grease of the social machine.

Since I have been dieting in earnest this year I have noticed a disturbing trend. Some people get outright offended when you don’t eat the way they think you should eat. They get mad. They huff and puff and get all red in the face and start gossiping about you behind your back. What the heck is that about anyway!

So me being a natural people pleaser I try to compromise. I do the whole “one small piece won’t kill me” thing. But since I wasn’t planning all day to eat that “one small piece” it is killing me, well at least it’s killing my diet. So anyway, I’m going to list top 5 culprits of the guilt machine who are trying to make me feel bad about losing weight and sabotaging my efforts.

5.) Team Workplace- Man the people I work with love to eat. There are weeks I think we spend more time eating than working. Bagels on Friday, French toast on Monday, Pizza and Chinese lunches, pastries and cakes and cookies…I can usually resist them, but I hate being the “difficult” one on the team when the company is buying lunch so I usually just say the pizza is fine and suffer in silence.

4.) My skinny bitch sister – This girl has always eaten whatever she wanted and never been larger than a size 8 in her life. I go to her house to visit and all she has is whole milk and real sugar and frosted sugar cookies. And she’s a picky eater. So forget making anything light or healthy when she comes to visit. She won’t eat vegetables. I tried making smashed cauliflower for her once and she literally gagged. She’s basically a carb junky but it doesn’t affect her body the way it affects mine. I curse her for taking all of the “good genes” from the pool.

3.) My crazy juiced up brother in law – He’s an amateur body builder and in his own way tries to be supportive and encouraging when he sees I’m losing weight. But he eats really weird food like tuna and sweet potatoes for lunch and egg whites and oatmeal for dinner and tries to make me second guess my own eating plan and I just end up getting confused. Plus he and my sister in law like to “cheat” on the weekends and then send all the leftover bad foods home with us so they won’t be in their house during the week. So now the “cheat” foods are in my house staring me down during the week. Thanks guys.

2.) My mom. Lord love her she tries. I know how hard she tries. And I know she doesn’t understand what it is I’m doing here. She knows we’re hard up for cash so she tries to invite us over to eat a lot. The thing is that she cooks with a lot of sauces and starches and fat….you know… like mom. And here’s the big secret- I’m a better cook than she is, and she hates that. So I have to tell her all the time how good everything is and take a second helping and do the whole “I can never get my meatloaf to come out like this…”type of gushing. I use my son as an excuse to leave before desert a lot. Yet she still insists on sending some home with us. Oh and she’s the one person in this world who has no problem telling me how fat and disgusting I am and she can never EVER tell that I’ve lost a few pounds. If I do say I’ve lost a few since I last saw her, she has to say she lost more. You know, the more I think about this, the more I feel like she is in competition with me or something. Yeah, she’s a psycho, but she’s also my mom and I love her just the same.

1.) My mother in law- This lady wins the grand prize. She (like my mom) is a little psycho about things. Minor inconveniences can set her off on a toddler sized temper tantrum. She loves to cook and is completely offended by any suggestion that anything she makes should not be eaten. In fact when she stays with my sister in law and her husband (see number 3) she calls me non-stop to complain about how much she hates him and the disgusting things they eat and how she can stay there because they won’t eat her food, etc. Her entire self-identity is wrapped up in how good of a homemaker she is. She loves to bake and has a severe sweet-tooth. She is constantly trying to push cakes and candy onto my two year old son (another big bone of contention, don't get me started!) and takes rejection of her cheesecake as a personal insult. She has been back in town for exactly 3 days. In that time she has sent over 1 tub of sugar cookies, one package of oatmeal cookies, fried porkchops, mashed potatoes, kielbasa, and pizza.

So how do you do it? How do you say “No thanks, that’s not really on my diet” without sounding like a calorie Nazi? And if someone has gotten offended when you turned down their prized pecan pie, what do you say? I don’t want to be fat just to be nice.

It’s only going to get worse over the next few months so any suggestions are welcome!