Thursday, February 24, 2011

I give up

Nothing I am doing is working. I can't seem to get things moving any longer. I try so hard and then I fail and then I feel like failure. And I just can't emotionally take it any longer. Now that my husband is working and we're juggling the boy back and forth it feels like I have no time to cook any more. We can't afford for me to make 3 different dinners every night anymore. My son is losing weight again and I have to encourage him to eat. It doesn't matter what he's eating so long as he actually swallows at this point. Tonight all he had for dinner was apple slices. about 10 calories worth of apple slices.
I should have made Hamburger Helper for him. I know he would have eaten some of it. I didn't make it for him because my husband wasn't home and it seemed like a lot of food for a 2 year old and I didn't want to eat it. So I made him a couple of chicken nuggets and had the apple on the side along with some banana.
He ate the apple.
I know, there are parents who are reading passing judgment on me as they read this.
They are saying to themselves "why is she feeding her child junk?" "that's not a healthy meal for a preschooler" "kids don't need to eat that processed garbage anymore than we do"
Yeah, and before I became the mother to my son I would have agreed with you too.
But you've never had to deal with a child on the verge of failure to thrive. My son will go for days without eating. If it wasn't for the Pediasure he gets everyday I don't know what I would do. He will only eat high fat easy to chew meat. Chicken nuggets, hamburgers and hot dogs are staples. He will chew and stash chicken breast in his cheeks until he's in danger of choking. He will chew beef and spit out the meat once all the flavor and juices have been sucked from it. Pasta is hit or miss, depending on his mood. Vegetables are a no go, even though I put them on his plate every single time.
The only fruits he'll eat are apples and bananas and raisins. I try to include one of these with every meal. I give him the veggie juice and try to make healthier choices, whole wheat pastas for example. (by the way the Hamburger Helper in my cupboard is the whole wheat version, still not the best but better...)
But it's not easy. It's never been easy. And the bones are showing in his back and he's going on 3 and still wearing size 24 month old pants. And some of them are big still.
I don't have the energy to simultaneously make sure that he is getting enough while making sure I am not getting too much.
Plus - he eats better if he sees me eating the same food he is.
I might be catastrophizing this. I know he's had a cold for the last week, he's done this before, and he'll likely start eating again any day now.
I don't want to use this as an excuse to eat whatever I want...
But I just can't put the same focus on my diet right now that I did last year at this time.


  1. You do what you can do, and people passing judgement on your parenting have too much time on their hands. Don't give up, just take each moment as it comes.

  2. I totally agree w/Laura about people passing judgement.Totally.

    My only advice...keep breathing girl! Somehow make time for yourself (a trip to the bookstore for an hour, a long bath, etc.). I know it's hard, it is. But you have to keep your sanity :) Heck, it's hard for me to find time for those things...but I can't stop trying. I don't want to lose myself to everyone and everything around me.

    Don't forget: YOU are important...YOU (and thanks for the update on how you're doing! I've been thinking about you :)

  3. I read your post last night, and didn't know what to say that would be helpful. I woke up thinking about you, and though I am still not sure what to say, I wanted to reach out.

    My daughter will be three in May- she is overweight, so I have the reverse problem! It's so hard to be responsible for not only what you put in your own mouth, but in your kid's mouth too.

    Have you tried scrambled eggs, buttery toast, ravioli...I ask because these ar the things my picky eating neices and nephews eat (along with the chicken nuggets!) What about yogurt? Does he have a sweet tooth? Maybe smoothies?

    I agree with the above commenters about people who pass judgement- they suck. It's hard, but ignore them. This is about you and your child, but, really, about your child first. What does the pediatrician say?

    I am here for you, if you need to talk. I hope you don't take my suggestions or questions the wrong way.


  4. No one can understand what it is like to have a child, who won't eat, but another mom, whose kid won't eat. My daughter also won't eat and is barely growing. Some days I feel like such a failure.

    I did recently find this website that has so much information about kids who won't eat, why they won't eat, and what you can do about it. It's a relief to know I'm not alone and there are things that I can do.