Still plugging along....for now...

I'm still here and trying to do my best. I'm not really following any plan per se, but I'm trying to at least watch my portions.
The frustrating thing is that I've gained weight in just the last week. How is it that you can gain in a week what it takes you a month to loose? It doesn't make sense.

My office weight loss challenge began today. We're teams of 3 so I think that will help me keep from jumping completely off the deep end and drowning my sorrows in a box of Dunkin' Donuts.

Now I'm going to try to get some exercise in before the day is over. I hear it can be a great stress buster....

I give up

Nothing I am doing is working. I can't seem to get things moving any longer. I try so hard and then I fail and then I feel like failure. And I just can't emotionally take it any longer. Now that my husband is working and we're juggling the boy back and forth it feels like I have no time to cook any more. We can't afford for me to make 3 different dinners every night anymore. My son is losing weight again and I have to encourage him to eat. It doesn't matter what he's eating so long as he actually swallows at this point. Tonight all he had for dinner was apple slices. about 10 calories worth of apple slices.
I should have made Hamburger Helper for him. I know he would have eaten some of it. I didn't make it for him because my husband wasn't home and it seemed like a lot of food for a 2 year old and I didn't want to eat it. So I made him a couple of chicken nuggets and had the apple on the side along with some banana.
He ate the apple.
I know, there are parents who are reading passing judgment on me as they read this.
They are saying to themselves "why is she feeding her child junk?" "that's not a healthy meal for a preschooler" "kids don't need to eat that processed garbage anymore than we do"
Yeah, and before I became the mother to my son I would have agreed with you too.
But you've never had to deal with a child on the verge of failure to thrive. My son will go for days without eating. If it wasn't for the Pediasure he gets everyday I don't know what I would do. He will only eat high fat easy to chew meat. Chicken nuggets, hamburgers and hot dogs are staples. He will chew and stash chicken breast in his cheeks until he's in danger of choking. He will chew beef and spit out the meat once all the flavor and juices have been sucked from it. Pasta is hit or miss, depending on his mood. Vegetables are a no go, even though I put them on his plate every single time.
The only fruits he'll eat are apples and bananas and raisins. I try to include one of these with every meal. I give him the veggie juice and try to make healthier choices, whole wheat pastas for example. (by the way the Hamburger Helper in my cupboard is the whole wheat version, still not the best but better...)
But it's not easy. It's never been easy. And the bones are showing in his back and he's going on 3 and still wearing size 24 month old pants. And some of them are big still.
I don't have the energy to simultaneously make sure that he is getting enough while making sure I am not getting too much.
Plus - he eats better if he sees me eating the same food he is.
I might be catastrophizing this. I know he's had a cold for the last week, he's done this before, and he'll likely start eating again any day now.
I don't want to use this as an excuse to eat whatever I want...
But I just can't put the same focus on my diet right now that I did last year at this time.

A new challenge...

Latest Weigh in: 221.0

So I didn't quite reach my goal, but I did lose. I"m not going to quit. I will persevere. In fact I decided to join a weight loss challenge that my work is running. I have two of my bestest work girlfriends joining me for our team. I need to come up with a name for our team though... any ideas?

The boy is sick so I don't have much time. I hope you are all well and I just wanted to pop on and say that I'm still here and still reading your posts and soon I'll have time to write a real post.

At least I hope I will have the time soon.

Love yourself!

America should not run on Dunkin'

Weight today 221.0

I messed up. I've been home potty training the boy for the last 4 days. (it's going well, better than I expected at this point). The problem is that all of my focus and energy has to be on my son and his bladder at the moment. I can't leave him alone for 40 minutes to go cook a healthy meal. I knew this going in and I thought I was prepared. What I wasn't prepared for was how tired I have become. So yesterday I had a bad moment where I ate a handful of chocolate candy leftover from Christmas and this morning I ran to Dunkin Donuts to pick up breakfast before my husband went to work. I got myself a egg white wrap and coffee and my husband a egg and cheese sandwich. I ordered 2 donuts, one for my son and one for my husband but the girl behind the counter made me buy 6 because she said it was cheaper to buy 6 than 2...I don't get it but I guess it's some sort of evil genius marketing ploy. Fine whatever, I still haven't had my coffee yet and I really need to get home, so I figure the boys will have extra donuts. When I get home I find out that my husband doesn't like the kind of donuts I picked out. He only likes cake donuts... I never knew he was such an aficionado of fried dough before. The boy also turned his little button nose up at them. I should have just thrown them away at that point in the game. That would have been the smart thing to do. But my sleep deprived malnutrition-ed brain made the bizarre twist and leap of logic that I was going to have to eat them. And since I've been home alone most of the day I have eaten 4 of them so far. The rest I'm trashing right now because I am utterly ashamed of myself and feel kind of sick over it.


If I ever win the mega millions I am going to take some of that money and open a low carb fast food joint so that people like me don't have to peel buns off their burgers or try to figure out what the hell they're going to eat if they just don't feel like cooking. I can't be the only one who just wants something easy once in a while...

I haven’t been online much these last few days. I’ve been very busy becoming a NEW AUNT!

My baby sister had her baby on 1/22 and I’ve been a little preoccupied with Little Peanut.

I’m also battling my very own case of baby fever. (YIKES!)

My head says we can’t afford another little one right now and I really want to get back to my goal weight BEFORE getting pregnant again so it’s just going to have to wait.

My heart says babies are so freaking cute and precious and I’m not getting any younger and The Boy could really use a little brother or sister….

We’re not doing anything to stop it from happening per se…but it takes a bit of planning for me to get pregnant and we’re not doing the things we needed to do last time. So I guess I’ll just leave it in God’s hands for now. If He wants us to have another little one to raise, He’ll find a way to make it happen.

AS far as my weight goes, I was doing great, well maybe not great… but I was still losing up until Tuesday when it came time for my weigh in. I WAS down a pound on Sunday at 222.5 but then I went back up to 223.2. I originally chalked that up to sodium since I had spam and eggs the night before for dinner, but then today I was at 225. WTF!!! I must be getting ready to welcome Aunt Flo for a visit. It seems like it’s been about a month since I last saw her, so that HAS to be the reason.

One thing I am not doing is letting my frustration with the scale throw me off of my plan. If anything I will use it as motivation to step up my game. I may have to track my calories for a couple of days to get a clearer picture of what I’m eating. Increase my water intake. Run around with The Boy a little more at night.

In the past a bad weigh in like that would have sent me face first into the tub of sugar cookies I have in the kitchen for Husband and The Boy. Not this time though, and I’m very proud of myself for that.

OH! I almost forgot!

I have a non-scale victory to report. I was putting away some clothes and decided just for the heck of it to try on a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn for YEARS because they are a size 14. And they FIT. Well almost fit. If I’m honest about it I’ll admit that they are a little tight in the thighs and bootie, but the main thing is I can get them on and zipped without having to hold my breath. I was so happy I completely ignored the fact that my ass looked like a sausage about to burst and wore them all day long.

This upcoming weekend is D-day for potty training, I’m ridiculously excited about that and apologize in advance if my enthusiasm causes me to over share the next few days.

That’s it for me, friends!