Tuesday, December 21, 2010

To School or not to School...

I am deliberating a lot lately over this question. My son is turning 3 in April and while my Sister in Law is watching him while she is out of work and looking for a job, I know this is a temporary fix. So pre-school is likely in the future for him, though I'm not sure I like the idea. I know he could use more interaction with children his own age and all, but I'm afraid he'll think I'm abandoning him to strangers. Then there is my husband, working a dead end job at 40 and hating every minute of it. I hate seeing him unhappy and have suggested maybe he look into going to school in the evenings to learn a new career. Ideally he would be able to watch the boy during the day while I work and attend classes during the evening/weekend. It would be tight, we would certainly miss the extra income, but (assuming I still have a job and all) I think we could make it work. Finally there is me. My company offers tuition reimbursement which means I could get my MBA on the company dime. That would mean many more opportunities for me and more money eventually too. Of course that also means adding a school flavor to my stress stew and one more thing to take my time and attention away from my family... So I don't know if the timing is right now.
If I didn't have a young child, I would do it in a heartbeat though.
So that's what's been weighing on my mind.
I've been enjoying my break from dieting this past month. I was feeling guilty about it, but now I realize that sometimes you have to let some things in life go. That means prioritizing what's important and what can wait. For me, knowing that - aside from being about 50 pounds heavier than I would like to be- I am actually quite healthy mean that weight loss (at this point) is primarily a vanity thing for me.
Sure I would love to sit here and lie and say that I'm doing it for health, etc. But at this point that's less than honest. Mainly I want to look good and feel younger. I want to have the body I had 15 years ago. I want to look hot and turn heads and not have my child ashamed of his old fat goofy mama. I want my husband to look at me lustfully and to feel jealous of me in front of other guys. He already does, but I want more of that...LOL. So next week I'm bringing out the big guns. I can boast a net loss this past year of about 25 pounds. That's roughly 2 pounds a month, it's not bad, but it's not great. I can do better than that.
I will do better than that.


  1. Taking a break from dieting is what started the healing process for me :) I was afraid...didn't trust myself, my body, or my appetite. I did it for around 6 months (and gained a lil' over 20 pounds!LOL)...that's when I realized I started gaining a pound of week bcs my glucose and insulin level were waaaaaaaaaaay out of wack (I hadn't been checking my sugar, which was out of control). Enter the low carb lifestyle.

    I don't think I could have "made" it this far if not for the TOTAL support of my husband.

    Anyhoo-the great thing I see about this post is, you have options. I really do hope it all works out for you and your family. p.s: who DOESN'T want to look hot!!!!

  2. p.s.s: not saying you need healing...I'm saying that's what I needed :)