Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The littlest things bug me sometimes.

I have to learn to not care so much about what other people think. I'm an emotional eater. I can totally see that now. It's something I have to work on, and I know I'll get there eventually, but it's hard. I think up until now I've been approaching it wrong. I get upset or hurt and them try to resist eating. I think it might do me more good to just not let things upset me so much. Easier said than done, I know.

On a positive note, my blood work came back and everything looked good. I just have a vitamin D deficiency and I'm borderline Anemic. The doctor wants me to come in for a follow-up to discuss those two things. I'm not surprised about the vitamin D. I burn after being exposed to sunlight for longer than 10 minutes so I always wear sunscreen. I also seem to have a minor intolerance for dairy, so I avoid milk. As for the anemia, I've been told I have this since my son was born. Nothing seems to get that up. I've tried eating spinach until my poop is green, doesn't seem to matter. I guess I'll have to take an iron supplement, but I hate doing it because I always seem to get constipated when I do that.

I"m not losing anything, but I also find myself cheating every 3 or 4 days recently. My baby sister had her baby shower last weekend (I am so excited to be an aunt finally! I can't wait!) My company finalized the merger yesterday so I am now officially no longer employeed by O. inc. which is sad because this was the first real, career-type of job I've had and I really owe this company a lot. I'm sure there will be more opportunities at Company M. since it's so much bigger and all -BUT- I am nearly buckling under the anxiety of not knowing what is going to happen to me and my job. Will I have to re-locate? will my position be eliminated? will I be laid off? will I be reassigned to a different department?...... These are the questions keeping me up at night.

Worry sucks. It's really a useless emotion. And I have more than my fair share of it I think. I also worry in the worst way, I obsess over things. I worry about events that have such a miniscule chance of ever actually coming true. I can't stop the anxiety, I mull it over and over, imagining the whole scenario playing out in my head. It really does me no good whatsoever. I've wasted so much time and energy on worrying about things that I have no hope of changing, things that are completely and utterly out of my control. I have to learn to let go and trust God more. If anyone has any tips on how to acheive that, please let me know.

That's all for tonight, take care of you!


  1. Did you read my diary!LOL! Geez - we share alot of the same're just more honest :)

    The emotion I have the worst time dealing with, in regards to eating, is anger! It's not when I'm sad or depressed, etc. It's when I feel the unfairness of having to deal with this weight and the diabetes.

    You WILL get there..You will. We will.

    As for the worry...I listen to KLOVE: it really helps me to keep focus on hope. I am encouraged and many times, just by hearing what other people are going through and how they are coping, it really lifts my spirit and makes me think "I'm o.k, In fact, I'm better than o.k, I'm blessed."

  2. I think this is something we are all guilty of. But the fact that you recognize it is a big huge step in the right direction. I'm an emotional eater too...which has cost me to put on 50 lbs in a year. I need to sort myself out because I hate even going out to meet friends b/c I'm ashamed.

    We'll get there in the end...I"m sure of it. :)

  3. I worry about what others - specifically strangers, which, who cares?!? - think far more than I even care to think about. Hate it. :(

    So glad to hear your blood work was (mostly) okay! Job uncertainty is a dirty, dirty hooker-faced whore (sorry).

    "Worry sucks. It's really a useless emotion."
    It really, really is - I wish I could remember this. I do the same thing: I called it "Chicken Little-ing" (i.e. OMG! THE SKY IS FALLING!). Apparently it's called catastrophizing. For me, I try my best to go to my dippy hippy place and remember that everything happens the way it's meant to happen in its own good time. Plus, my reminder (tattoo of "breathe" on my wrist) helps me to stop, take a deep breath, and calm my mind.

    I have a couple of book recommendations if you're interested (chibijeebs at gmail dot com).