Thursday, September 23, 2010

No more excuses

So I did it! Yesterday evening I finally got around to taking my first set of progress pics. I’m thinking of these as my before picture. (Even though it’s after losing about 30 pounds. )

I was sitting in from of the computer after I put SAK to bed and reading all of your wonderful, motivational posts and jumped from my seat and made my husband take my picture.

Me: I want you to take my picutre for my blog, I need fat pictures to compare as I'm loosing weight...

Him: Right now? (he was trying to watch the Yankees game)

Me: Yes because if I don’t do it right now I’ll chicken out….besides there’s a rain delay what else have you got to do?

Him: I'm not sure I want your face on the internet...

Me: Too late, already out there. So are you and SAK by the way....Don't worry though I'm not using names

Him: How far back should I go?

Me. Just get my whole body in the shot.

Him: Are you sure? I don't think it will fit...(smart ass)

he starts backing up farther and farther....

Me: Turn the camera sideways...

He turns the camera and snaps the picture, shows it to me

Him: Is this okay?

Me (completely disgusted by it): yeah that's fine. One more sideways....

It took me so long to finally get up the courage to do it. Mostly I think it’s because my own mental projection of “me” doesn’t look anything like that. I look at myself in the mirror every day. But I don’t see myself. Until I see a picture. A photograph. Why is it different? I don’t know. It’s weird. I know I’m not alone in this, I’ve heard others across the blogosphere mentioning the same phenomenon.

Because of the shock I get when I see myself in pictures, I have been avoiding being photographed, which is creating one of the saddest parts of living with obesity for me. I am notably absent from many family photos because I avoid cameras as much as possible.

No more. Now that I’ve broken the ice and taken the picture (and posted it here for all of God’s people to see…) I am going to use this to motivate me for change. I want my picture to look like the mental picture I have of myself.

And it will. I can do this. No more excuses.

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