I am hungry today.
I'm not really sure why, because I've eaten enough. But I am dying for desert tonight.
They say it take twenty days to start a new habit. I guess technically it is only day 6 for me. Maybe I'll make myself a cup of tea or something.
I wonder sometimes if the end result will be worth it. Will I actually be able to lose enough weight that it will matter? I mean, I have to lose something in the neighborhood of 80 pounds. I'm 35, will be 36 this year. Am I too old to expect to be successful?
What if I stick with this, suffer the hunger pangs and deprive myself of the goodies I love...and end up only losing the same 10 pounds or so I always lose and then gain back again. I am so tired too. I feel like I could sleep for a week. I haven't excercised because I just can't muster the energy. I know if I was thinner, I would feel better, healthier. But the whole getting there makes me feel worse.
To top it all off I am very crabby and my husband is bearing the brunt of it. My head hurts and I am using all of my willpower to smile and play with my son. I don't have enough in me to fake it for my husband. Maybe it's withdrawls.
I feel alot like I did when I quit smoking. BTW- it's been 4 years since I've smoked a cigarette and I still want one every time the weather turns warm enough that I could be sitting out on my deck and smoking while sipping on a glass of wine. It took several times for me to finally quit. I had to learn that under no circumstances could I ever give into a craving. What would inevitably happen is that I would be out with friends at a bar or something and one of my girls would like up and I would ask for a drag. Then I'd bum a cigarette or two. Before the night was over I would be volunteering to go on a beer run just so I could pick up a pack of lights. Then because I had just purchased a pack I would have to finish it before I quit again, and before I knew it I was smoking again. It took meeting my husband, who hates cigarettes, to finally quit for good.
I am trying to apply these same lessons to quitting sugar. You know, I never used to believe in the whole food addiction thing. I was like - how can you be "addicted" to food? You have to eat to live! Now I'm realizing that it's much more complicated than that. Some foods cause certain chemical reactions in our body, and those chemicals need to detoxed from our bodies in much the same way that drugs or alcohol or nicotine or caffeine is detoxed from other addictions.
One good thing is that I know that some day it won't be so hard. Just like when I quite smoking, I can expect a day that the gnawing craving for sugar will become a minor fleeting thought that I can brush aside. One day I'll be better. But today- this really sucks!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
My Inner Voice is a 2 year old
I am 4 days into my renewed commitment to get healthy. When I started this I told myself I was only going to weigh in once a week.
Confession time- I have weighed myself 6 times in 4 days. I don’t know what it is I expect to see. My head knows that I didn’t gain all this weight overnight, even though it seems that way sometimes. I guess I am just looking for validation that what I am doing is working.
-Because it is really hard to do.
I have found that I hear voices in my head all day long. These are most often bad voices. They say things like:
“I won’t tell anyone you ate the cookie. If no one finds out you cheated, it doesn’t count. EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE PLEASE!!!!!”
"Taste it please."
"ohh ooooh Cookie!!"
“You suck! I hate you! Why are you doing this!”
"Gimme Gimme Gimme"
Sometimes the voice just whimpers softly in the back of my head….
I guess this means I’m crazy. I always knew I was a little nuts. But I think hearing voices actually puts you undeniably in the category of lunatic. One thing I know though is that giving in even just a little bit to these silent pleas in my mind is a really bad idea. It just encourages the voices to get louder and stronger. I realized last night that it's eerily similar to my son's request for a snack. "Bite!" he demands when he sees me eating something he wants to try. "COOKIE!" he says, using the same voice as Cookie Monster because he knows it's just too cute to resist. So I’ve decided to use the same strategy that I use on my son when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Check to make sure there isn’t something seriously wrong (no leaky diapers here!), then let him cry it out until he falls back to sleep.
I’m such a toddler deep down inside….
Maybe some day I'll grow up...
Confession time- I have weighed myself 6 times in 4 days. I don’t know what it is I expect to see. My head knows that I didn’t gain all this weight overnight, even though it seems that way sometimes. I guess I am just looking for validation that what I am doing is working.
-Because it is really hard to do.
I have found that I hear voices in my head all day long. These are most often bad voices. They say things like:
“I won’t tell anyone you ate the cookie. If no one finds out you cheated, it doesn’t count. EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE PLEASE!!!!!”
"Taste it please."
"ohh ooooh Cookie!!"
“You suck! I hate you! Why are you doing this!”
"Gimme Gimme Gimme"
Sometimes the voice just whimpers softly in the back of my head….
I guess this means I’m crazy. I always knew I was a little nuts. But I think hearing voices actually puts you undeniably in the category of lunatic. One thing I know though is that giving in even just a little bit to these silent pleas in my mind is a really bad idea. It just encourages the voices to get louder and stronger. I realized last night that it's eerily similar to my son's request for a snack. "Bite!" he demands when he sees me eating something he wants to try. "COOKIE!" he says, using the same voice as Cookie Monster because he knows it's just too cute to resist. So I’ve decided to use the same strategy that I use on my son when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Check to make sure there isn’t something seriously wrong (no leaky diapers here!), then let him cry it out until he falls back to sleep.
I’m such a toddler deep down inside….
Maybe some day I'll grow up...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
'Cause what you see is what you get...
As a young girl I remember being taught that “beauty is only skin deep” and “it’s what a person is like inside that counts” and “you can’t judge a book by it’s cover”. I do agree with these lessons that what’s most important about a person is deeper than her appearance.
I have a theory, however, that appearances are important as well. We are judged (and judge others) most often by how we look. Our physical appearance is an outward presentation of who we are. Kind of like how food is packaged. I can't tell you how many times I've bought something at the grocery store that was wrapped in some fancy packaging that made it look like it would be awesome. Sometimes it is, most of the time it's just okay. But I bought it because it looked good.
Do I want to put out the impression to others that I am lazy, sloppy and uncaring of details? Or do I want to advertise that I am a capable, well organized woman who can not only bring home the bacon, but fry it up in a pan?
So one of the things I intend to work on this year is the image I am projecting out to the world.
I am going to style my hair in the morning rather than pulling it into a wet pony tail.
I am going to wear more than just chapstick for makeup.
I am going to keep my nails trimmed and shave my legs at least every 3rd day.
I will get a haircut this weekend and maybe even go get my nails done.
I've been thinking that maybe if I put the effort into looking like a success, success will find me. Maybe if I start acting like who I want to be, I'll become her.
Because the weight is really just one symptom of a much bigger problem. I got fat because I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped caring about what I looked like. I let myself go. I gave up on me.
So from this day forward I vow to be the best version of me I can be.
Can't hurt, right?
I have a theory, however, that appearances are important as well. We are judged (and judge others) most often by how we look. Our physical appearance is an outward presentation of who we are. Kind of like how food is packaged. I can't tell you how many times I've bought something at the grocery store that was wrapped in some fancy packaging that made it look like it would be awesome. Sometimes it is, most of the time it's just okay. But I bought it because it looked good.
Do I want to put out the impression to others that I am lazy, sloppy and uncaring of details? Or do I want to advertise that I am a capable, well organized woman who can not only bring home the bacon, but fry it up in a pan?
So one of the things I intend to work on this year is the image I am projecting out to the world.
I am going to style my hair in the morning rather than pulling it into a wet pony tail.
I am going to wear more than just chapstick for makeup.
I am going to keep my nails trimmed and shave my legs at least every 3rd day.
I will get a haircut this weekend and maybe even go get my nails done.
I've been thinking that maybe if I put the effort into looking like a success, success will find me. Maybe if I start acting like who I want to be, I'll become her.
Because the weight is really just one symptom of a much bigger problem. I got fat because I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped caring about what I looked like. I let myself go. I gave up on me.
So from this day forward I vow to be the best version of me I can be.
Can't hurt, right?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Insulin Resistance and Me.
I recently found out that my dad has Type 2 Diabetes. My father and I haven’t talked for years, so I honestly don’t know when got the diagnosis. Apparently his sister also has “pre-diabetes”. This isn’t really surprising because I have suspected that I was insulin resistant for a long time. About 8 years ago my doctor suggested I cut out refined carbohydrates when I complained of a fluttery feeling in my chest. He said I was probably hypoglycemic and I needed to stabilize my blood sugar. I decided to go on Atkins with a couple of the girls in my office, which at the time was very popular for some reason. I actually did really well on it and lost a ton of weight and felt really good for the first time in a long time.
At first it was difficult to give up the comfort foods. Bread and potatoes weren’t as hard to live without as pasta and rice. Sweets are hard for me to be around, but if they aren’t in the house I find I don’t miss them much. The downfall was that as I began to look and feel better I gave myself permission to cheat. You absolutely cannot cheat on that kind of diet. One slice of pizza quickly turned into spaghetti dinner and before I knew it I was eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. The weight came flying back on again and then some.
Instead of blaming myself, I blamed the diet itself. So I went on a “low fat” diet. Instead of losing weight I think I actually gained at that time. Around that same time I became depressed and decided to move out of Denver and move back to New Jersey to be closer to my family. This meant staying at my mom’s house until I could get a good job and get a place of my own. After being back for a few months I met the man who would be my husband. Hubby was also living with his family while he was saving money to get his own place, so for us to be alone together we had to go out. Neither one of us are big drinkers and he doesn’t like to dance, so we went out to eat a LOT. I was happy and in love and he was so accepting of who I was that I didn’t feel compelled to watch what I was eating as much.
When we moved in together, I tried real hard to make healthy meals for the two of us. Then when we got engaged I cut way back on the calories so I wouldn’t be HUGE on my wedding day. After we were married I got pregnant right away. I tried to be as healthy as possible, but my hormones were out of balance, I wasn’t making enough progesterone, and I miscarried at 10 weeks. I became depressed and turned to high carb comfort foods. I felt like the only thing that would make the emptiness go away was if I had a baby, so after a couple of months we began trying again. About 4 months after losing the baby I became pregnant. Early blood tests showed that I had the same problem again, I wasn’t making enough progesterone. This time, my OB decided to try supplementing my progesterone and prescribed me Prometrium capsules twice a day.
I was able to get through the first 12 weeks, but gained a lot of weight during the first trimester because of the hormones. My blood sugar tested abnormally borderline, so they did not diagnose me with gestational diabetes, but said I needed to really watch it. I was dumb and took my pregnancy as an excuse to indulge in all the foods I usually denied myself. If I craved it- I ate it. And I usually ate lots of it too! Over all I gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy. Then for some reason the baby wasn’t coming. I went 2 weeks late and finally they tried to induce me, but the baby’s heart rate dropped so I had an emergency C-section. Again my doctor said it was because my body wasn’t producing the right hormones.
I recently was doing some research online, looking for a low carb plan that wasn’t quite as restrictive as Atkins was, and found out that Insulin resistance can lead to progesterone deficiency as well as all sorts of other hormonal imbalances. This was like a slap in the face. I knew that my dietary choices were affecting my waistline. Now I see that they also caused me to lose one baby and almost lose my son.
Since I’ve become a mother, my outlook is changing. I want my boy to be proud of his mother. I want to be there for him as he grows into a man. I don’t want to be sick and unhealthy. I don’t want him to miss out on things because I can’t find the energy to do them with him. Insulin resistance is reversible. So I am making the decision right here and now to change my lifestyle. I’m eating low glycemic foods and I will make an effort to start exercising.
It’s going to be hard, but I have good motivation this time around. I don’t just want to do it, I HAVE to do it.
At first it was difficult to give up the comfort foods. Bread and potatoes weren’t as hard to live without as pasta and rice. Sweets are hard for me to be around, but if they aren’t in the house I find I don’t miss them much. The downfall was that as I began to look and feel better I gave myself permission to cheat. You absolutely cannot cheat on that kind of diet. One slice of pizza quickly turned into spaghetti dinner and before I knew it I was eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. The weight came flying back on again and then some.
Instead of blaming myself, I blamed the diet itself. So I went on a “low fat” diet. Instead of losing weight I think I actually gained at that time. Around that same time I became depressed and decided to move out of Denver and move back to New Jersey to be closer to my family. This meant staying at my mom’s house until I could get a good job and get a place of my own. After being back for a few months I met the man who would be my husband. Hubby was also living with his family while he was saving money to get his own place, so for us to be alone together we had to go out. Neither one of us are big drinkers and he doesn’t like to dance, so we went out to eat a LOT. I was happy and in love and he was so accepting of who I was that I didn’t feel compelled to watch what I was eating as much.
When we moved in together, I tried real hard to make healthy meals for the two of us. Then when we got engaged I cut way back on the calories so I wouldn’t be HUGE on my wedding day. After we were married I got pregnant right away. I tried to be as healthy as possible, but my hormones were out of balance, I wasn’t making enough progesterone, and I miscarried at 10 weeks. I became depressed and turned to high carb comfort foods. I felt like the only thing that would make the emptiness go away was if I had a baby, so after a couple of months we began trying again. About 4 months after losing the baby I became pregnant. Early blood tests showed that I had the same problem again, I wasn’t making enough progesterone. This time, my OB decided to try supplementing my progesterone and prescribed me Prometrium capsules twice a day.
I was able to get through the first 12 weeks, but gained a lot of weight during the first trimester because of the hormones. My blood sugar tested abnormally borderline, so they did not diagnose me with gestational diabetes, but said I needed to really watch it. I was dumb and took my pregnancy as an excuse to indulge in all the foods I usually denied myself. If I craved it- I ate it. And I usually ate lots of it too! Over all I gained 65 pounds during my pregnancy. Then for some reason the baby wasn’t coming. I went 2 weeks late and finally they tried to induce me, but the baby’s heart rate dropped so I had an emergency C-section. Again my doctor said it was because my body wasn’t producing the right hormones.
I recently was doing some research online, looking for a low carb plan that wasn’t quite as restrictive as Atkins was, and found out that Insulin resistance can lead to progesterone deficiency as well as all sorts of other hormonal imbalances. This was like a slap in the face. I knew that my dietary choices were affecting my waistline. Now I see that they also caused me to lose one baby and almost lose my son.
Since I’ve become a mother, my outlook is changing. I want my boy to be proud of his mother. I want to be there for him as he grows into a man. I don’t want to be sick and unhealthy. I don’t want him to miss out on things because I can’t find the energy to do them with him. Insulin resistance is reversible. So I am making the decision right here and now to change my lifestyle. I’m eating low glycemic foods and I will make an effort to start exercising.
It’s going to be hard, but I have good motivation this time around. I don’t just want to do it, I HAVE to do it.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I am my own worst enemy.
I weighed in this morning at 237.5. I wanted to cry. I am 90 lbs over what my ideal weight should be. (Though honestly, I think my “ideal” weight is a little on the low side and would be very happy just 50 lbs lighter).
The holiday season sucks. I had the best of intentions. But rather than One day for each holiday this is how things went.
Thanksgiving day- at my sister-in- law’s house with my husband’s family.
Saturday after Thanksgiving – Thanksgiving redux at my Sister’s house.
Then there were the countless Family dinners as my husband’s family had relatives come into town over the next three weeks from Florida and Missouri. (pot roast, roasted chicken, ziti etc.) Of course every dinner had to be followed by some sort of baked goodie that my mother in law made, and she’s the type of person who would have her feelings hurt if you turned down her cakes and cookies and such.
But through all of that I was fairly sane. I took small portions and held my own. The walking from all the Christmas shopping probably helped somewhat to equalize the damage.
But then things began to spin out of control. Here’s what the last week and a half looked like for me-
Christmas Eve- Dinner at my mom’s house so I could visit with my Grandparents. (Kielbasa, Pierogies, Sauerkraut, etc)
Christmas Day- Dinner at my house. We had a turkey and a ham and all the sides. My biggest downfall was that everyone who came brought cookies. That and my mother in law made a cheesecake.
Day after Christmas- My mother in law had to get away from her daughter’s relatives for awhile and came over to visit. She insisted on buying a pizza and sandwiches for everyone. I tried to be good and ordered a salad, but gave in and had a couple of slices. I ate some Christmas cookies.
Sunday after Christmas- I invited my mother to come over to watch a movie. We eat leftover Christmas dinner for lunch. I ate more Christmas cookies
Monday after Christmas- we visit my husband’s nieces and have lobster tails and steak followed by cannolis and cheesecake.
Monday through Thursday I continued to eat Christmas cookies every night. Ok I’ll be honest; sometimes I ate the cookies in the morning too instead of breakfast.
Back at work on Tuesday and Thursday the sales team buys us catered lunch. And more pastry trays.
New Year’s Eve- my mother in law brings over plates of food from the party she was at for us. My husband and I later finish a bottle of champagne
New Year’s Day- We went to my husband’s best friend’s house and had pizza and antipasto. I went home later and ate more Christmas cookies.
Day after New Year’s- we had Prime Rib at my mother’s house.
Sunday we were back at my in-law’s again for parmesan crusted chicken.
Monday (yesterday) I finally declared that enough was enough. We threw out the rest of the cookies. I told my husband to make sure the pizza his mother ordered earlier was gone by the time I got home from work, had a salad for lunch and cooked myself a sensible dinner.
I think I’ve come to the conclusion that my family is out to get me. Not intentionally I’m sure, but they are my nemesis when it comes to weight loss. It is my own fault, I try too hard to make sure that there is an equitable amount of time spent with each family; especially now that we have SAK I try to make sure that both families get to see him. Combine that with the fact that both my mom and my mother in law are old fashioned cooks who love to make big family meals and my people pleasing personality and you have the basic formula for an ever expanding waistline.
Now the out of town relatives are gone now. My mother-in-law and brother -in-law left this morning to head back to Missouri. This means no more baked goodies around. Also my mom is a little more understanding of the fact that I’m on a diet. My mom pretty much came out and told me that I was a fattie (but that is a rant for a different day). My husband says that he wants to lose too and will support my efforts, though that may only last until the Superbowl….
The biggest lesson I’ve had here is that I have to stop allowing myself to find excuses to give into over-eating. I can’t control what other people around me are eating, but I can control what I put into my own mouth. I have to “check myself before I wreck myself” *grin*. There is always going to be a reason that people are feasting. My body can’t tolerate that kind of eating. If I don’t want my son to be embarrassed of me when he’s older, I need to get it under control now.
The holiday season sucks. I had the best of intentions. But rather than One day for each holiday this is how things went.
Thanksgiving day- at my sister-in- law’s house with my husband’s family.
Saturday after Thanksgiving – Thanksgiving redux at my Sister’s house.
Then there were the countless Family dinners as my husband’s family had relatives come into town over the next three weeks from Florida and Missouri. (pot roast, roasted chicken, ziti etc.) Of course every dinner had to be followed by some sort of baked goodie that my mother in law made, and she’s the type of person who would have her feelings hurt if you turned down her cakes and cookies and such.
But through all of that I was fairly sane. I took small portions and held my own. The walking from all the Christmas shopping probably helped somewhat to equalize the damage.
But then things began to spin out of control. Here’s what the last week and a half looked like for me-
Christmas Eve- Dinner at my mom’s house so I could visit with my Grandparents. (Kielbasa, Pierogies, Sauerkraut, etc)
Christmas Day- Dinner at my house. We had a turkey and a ham and all the sides. My biggest downfall was that everyone who came brought cookies. That and my mother in law made a cheesecake.
Day after Christmas- My mother in law had to get away from her daughter’s relatives for awhile and came over to visit. She insisted on buying a pizza and sandwiches for everyone. I tried to be good and ordered a salad, but gave in and had a couple of slices. I ate some Christmas cookies.
Sunday after Christmas- I invited my mother to come over to watch a movie. We eat leftover Christmas dinner for lunch. I ate more Christmas cookies
Monday after Christmas- we visit my husband’s nieces and have lobster tails and steak followed by cannolis and cheesecake.
Monday through Thursday I continued to eat Christmas cookies every night. Ok I’ll be honest; sometimes I ate the cookies in the morning too instead of breakfast.
Back at work on Tuesday and Thursday the sales team buys us catered lunch. And more pastry trays.
New Year’s Eve- my mother in law brings over plates of food from the party she was at for us. My husband and I later finish a bottle of champagne
New Year’s Day- We went to my husband’s best friend’s house and had pizza and antipasto. I went home later and ate more Christmas cookies.
Day after New Year’s- we had Prime Rib at my mother’s house.
Sunday we were back at my in-law’s again for parmesan crusted chicken.
Monday (yesterday) I finally declared that enough was enough. We threw out the rest of the cookies. I told my husband to make sure the pizza his mother ordered earlier was gone by the time I got home from work, had a salad for lunch and cooked myself a sensible dinner.
I think I’ve come to the conclusion that my family is out to get me. Not intentionally I’m sure, but they are my nemesis when it comes to weight loss. It is my own fault, I try too hard to make sure that there is an equitable amount of time spent with each family; especially now that we have SAK I try to make sure that both families get to see him. Combine that with the fact that both my mom and my mother in law are old fashioned cooks who love to make big family meals and my people pleasing personality and you have the basic formula for an ever expanding waistline.
Now the out of town relatives are gone now. My mother-in-law and brother -in-law left this morning to head back to Missouri. This means no more baked goodies around. Also my mom is a little more understanding of the fact that I’m on a diet. My mom pretty much came out and told me that I was a fattie (but that is a rant for a different day). My husband says that he wants to lose too and will support my efforts, though that may only last until the Superbowl….
The biggest lesson I’ve had here is that I have to stop allowing myself to find excuses to give into over-eating. I can’t control what other people around me are eating, but I can control what I put into my own mouth. I have to “check myself before I wreck myself” *grin*. There is always going to be a reason that people are feasting. My body can’t tolerate that kind of eating. If I don’t want my son to be embarrassed of me when he’s older, I need to get it under control now.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Day One
OK.
It's been decided that I am going to restart my diet starting today. I will be using this space to try to keep track of what I'm eating, how it's working and what I'm weighing. I forgot to weigh myself this morning. So I'll have to post my starting stats tomorrow.
If you stumbled across this accidentally, feel free to follow or comment or whatever, but please keep it positive as this is my attempt to change my life.
I don't want to be fat any more. I want to be healthy for my son and attractive for my husband.
The only plan that really works for me is cutting carbs, so I'm going back to that. Not Atkins per se - because I get too confused with the whole carb ladder and the order you're supposed to introduce foods in etc. But I will be trying to stick to between 20-25 Grams of carbs per day for at least the first month. Once I'm sure that I'm consistantly losing weight I plan to give myself extra carbs on the weekends, maybe and extra 10-15, just enough to have a little variety. But I don't see that happening until closer to March.
There are 6 months before I'll be forced to put on a swimsuit. I would like to be at least 40 pounds thinner by then. If I acheive a weight loss of about 1.5 pounds per week I should be able to attain that. I'm not saying that I'll be done or that this is my final goal, because it's not. I still will be overwieght even after that. But it's as far ahead as I can see right now. When I reach it I'll decide what my next goal will be.
Supplements that I intend to take-
B complex
Fish oil
Fiber
PreNatal multi vitamin (because it has extra iron and folate)
I'm shooting to take these once a day, but I keep them at work, so at least Mon-Fri and maybe some of them on the weekends...
Anyway, that's the plan for 2010.
Here's hoping for the best!
It's been decided that I am going to restart my diet starting today. I will be using this space to try to keep track of what I'm eating, how it's working and what I'm weighing. I forgot to weigh myself this morning. So I'll have to post my starting stats tomorrow.
If you stumbled across this accidentally, feel free to follow or comment or whatever, but please keep it positive as this is my attempt to change my life.
I don't want to be fat any more. I want to be healthy for my son and attractive for my husband.
The only plan that really works for me is cutting carbs, so I'm going back to that. Not Atkins per se - because I get too confused with the whole carb ladder and the order you're supposed to introduce foods in etc. But I will be trying to stick to between 20-25 Grams of carbs per day for at least the first month. Once I'm sure that I'm consistantly losing weight I plan to give myself extra carbs on the weekends, maybe and extra 10-15, just enough to have a little variety. But I don't see that happening until closer to March.
There are 6 months before I'll be forced to put on a swimsuit. I would like to be at least 40 pounds thinner by then. If I acheive a weight loss of about 1.5 pounds per week I should be able to attain that. I'm not saying that I'll be done or that this is my final goal, because it's not. I still will be overwieght even after that. But it's as far ahead as I can see right now. When I reach it I'll decide what my next goal will be.
Supplements that I intend to take-
B complex
Fish oil
Fiber
PreNatal multi vitamin (because it has extra iron and folate)
I'm shooting to take these once a day, but I keep them at work, so at least Mon-Fri and maybe some of them on the weekends...
Anyway, that's the plan for 2010.
Here's hoping for the best!
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